(Memo)Friends 101:Where Monica Gets a New Roommate

So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
--> hump : 駝背
--> hairpiece : 假髮

I realize I am totally naked.
--> naked : 裸體

Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother,
which is very-very weird, because she never calls me!
--> figure : 盤算
--> turn out : 結果發現
--> weird : 怪異

I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck.
--> intestine : 腸子
--> pull out : 拔出

Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
--> fixate : 注視

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian..., Did I say that out loud?
--> lesbian : 女同性戀
--> say out loud : 大聲說出

So that hysterical phone call I got from a woman sobbing at 3:00 A.M., " I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?
--> hysterical : 歇斯底里
--> sob : 哭泣

Strip joint! C'mon you're single! Have some hormones!
--> strip joint : 脫衣舞酒吧
--> hormone : 賀爾蒙

When all of a sudden I realized that I was more turned on by the gravy boat than by Barry!
--> all of a sudden : 忽然間
--> turn on : 引起性慾

I got really freaked out!
--> freak out : 嚇壞了

I started wondering `Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?`
--> wonder : 疑惑

I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart.
--> kinda : 有點兒(= kind of)
--> drift apart : 漸漸疏遠

I was kinda hopping that wouldn't be an issue.

If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.
--> let go of : 放開
--> fall off : 掉落

It's a metaphor, Daddy!
--> metaphor : 譬喻

Stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day.
--> hit on : 調情

A wandering ?
--> wander : 神智恍惚

Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!

Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
--> come over : 過來
--> put together : 組裝

I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.
--> hang out : 廝混(口語)

Love is a wondrous work of art.
--> wondrous : 絕佳的
--> work : 作品

Like a giant pigeon... crapping on my heart.
--> pigeon : 鴿子
--> crap : 拉屎

I have no brackets thing, I see no worm guys whatsoever and I cannot feel my legs.
--> bracket : 托架
--> worm guys : 用蟲來比喻螺絲
--> whatsoever : 無論怎樣(用在否定句表強調)

Please don't spoil all this fun.
--> spoil : 破壞

You got screwed.
--> screw : 欺騙

I went for the watch.
--> go for : 選擇

Steer clear of you.
--> steer clear of : 避開

Between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento.
--> last : 持續
--> Mento : 曼陀珠

Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out.
--> closeness : 親密
--> rip out : 撕裂

I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
--> horny : 慾火中燒

Ever since she walked out on me.
--> walk out on : 拋棄

What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
--> spell out : 說清楚

It's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
--> revelation : 真相

I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now.
--> spit on : 吐

While your're on a roll.
--> be on a roll : 一連串的成功

If I don't input those numbers, it doesn't make much of a difference.

I will not take this abuse.
--> abuse : 羞辱

I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
--> hanger : 衣架

Are you in trouble ? Big time!!
--> Big time : 非常

Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.
--> hardly : 幾乎不

I take credit for Paul.
--> take credit : 贏得讚賞

Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
--> snap : 活力
--> turtle : 男性生殖器

I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than `to get you into bed`.
--> assume : 猜想
--> sophisticated : 複雜的

Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
--> sort : 種類
--> beacon : 信號
--> severe : 嚴重的

I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
--> out of : 從...當中

And yet you’re surprisingly upbeat.
--> yet : 但
--> upbeat : 興奮

You can't live off your parents your whole life.
--> live off : 靠...提供吃住

And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like cleaning windshields outside port authority.
--> end up : 最後
--> albino : 白化症
--> windshield : 擋風玻璃
--> port authority : 港務局

Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?
--> parachute : 降落傘

It’s kinda like a symbolic gesture.
--> symbolic : 象徵性

Y’know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
--> retailer : 商店

You gonna crash out the couch ?
--> crash out : 睡覺

I had a major crush on you.
--> crush : 迷戀

I always figured you just thought I was Monica’s geeky older brother.
-->geeky : 書呆子

Do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here.
--> intense : 強烈的
--> vulnerability : 容易受傷害
--> factor : 因素